FALLING FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND :) :(

So I heard a song today that I haven't heard for a long time...it's one that I love and forgot I loved until I heard it today...it's by an artist called Musiq SoulChild and the name of the song is 'half crazy'...this song is about Musiq doing something that a lot of people have done in their lives but never seem to talk about...crossing the line with one their closest friends....in the song Musiq sings: "...we use to laugh/now you get mad/DAM...I JUST WANT MY FRIEND BAAAACK'....this line is what made me decide to pick this topic for tonights blog....I think this is a subject that needs to be covered because I'm sure some of you out there are struggling with feelings for your best friends and not quite sure what to do.

Let me just start by saying this...the advice I'm going to give you applies to whether you are falling for your friend who is of an opposite sex or of the same sex...the same feelings come into play and the same confusion applies....okay? so when you read my words don't say...'yea but...' cuz I'm speaking to all of you! :)

It's never easy to have feelings for someone...no matter how old you are it's never easy...it's never easy because having real feelings for someone is not something we can control easily...it's something we have to force ourselves to control....and this is 10 times more difficult to deal with when you have feelings for someone that you shouldn't have feelings for...AND it's 20 times worse when it's feelings for someone who is your best friend...someone who is your 'person'...someone who you tell your secrets to, someone who you call immediately after something exciting or terrible has happened....now this is the reason why it is 20 times more difficult to deal with....because when you start having feelings for your 'person' who can you tell???......who do you tell that when you see your crush you get butterflies? who can you tell that your crush makes your body do things and feel things it's never felt before???...what do you do when the person you are crushing on is your 'person'???

So many feelings come into play when the person you have a crush on is the person you spend the most time with...the person who knows what you're going to say before you say it...now you have to deal with the thoughts on top of the feelings...and to me the thoughts are much harder to handle...because now that you have discovered that you have feelings for this person your conversations are already starting to change because you are not 100% involved...you are there physically, but mentally you are busy worrying...you're worrying about what this person will think if you tell them how you feel...what would their immediate reaction be??...chances are you think you already know exactly what they'll do...so now you're worrying about that...if you and your best friend have a friendship where you are hugging and horse playing a lot...that becomes super awkward...you are now worrying about if your hand slips or if you hug them longer than usual...it's torture...it's absolute torture!....so what do you do?...

I can almost bet that I know what you've done so far...you have pushed them away...you may have not even known that you've done this...you've come up with excuses for not hanging out as much...or you've just flat out told them that you don't want to hang out...you think this will help you get your thoughts together right?....you think that by distancing yourself from them that these feelings will go away and you can go back to how things were?...yea...how's that workin for ya?....that's the worse thing you could do and I'll tell you why...you pushing them away will only make them think they did something wrong and it'll ruin your relationship...you shutting them out will only make them think that you've changed and wonder whether they should even be friends with you anymore because they feel like they no longer know you....so what you have to do is be honest...if you have these feelings for them and it's really not something that you can ignore, because some times we can ignore them...if it's just a little crush where you suddenly find that your best friend has grown up before your eyes and has become very beautiful or handsome...that's something you can push aside...but if it's something where you find you are actually attracted to them and you are fighting all the feelings I've mentioned than it's not something that'll pass...so you need to do some decision making...and fast!...if you have pushed them away then you need to decide right now what you're going to do...

The reality is that either way things will never be the same...if you have already distanced yourself from this person then chances are the relationship has shifted...so you now need to decide how you are going to tell them the truth about why you have done this to them or you will have to lie and just sum it up to you're just going through some 'stuff' which they won't believe...so you get what I'm saying right???...lying to them will not help the situation....it's a tough decision I know...because once you tell them what you're feeling it'll be the end of your relationship as you know it....what you could do is just tell them straight out how you feel but also tell them that you don't want things to get weird...it's just how you feel and you wanted to be honest before things started to get even more weird...it's a scary thought I know...but it's a lot better than leaving this person in the dark and just distancing yourself from them which leaves them to feel they've done something to you....now once you decide what you're going to do you need to prepare yourself for the possible outcome...you need to know that there is a good chance that your friend may look at you strangely at first...they may feel threatened and feel grossed out...but it'll pass once they remember who you are and what your friendship means....this may result in a fight at first because they may immediately think this means you want to make out with them or something gross...so be prepared for that reaction....once they calm down they will talk to you and you will be able to explain to them what exactly you feel....you will have to prepare to hear that they may not feel they could be close friends with you any more...they may feel by you telling them this changes things and that you can't hang out as much as you do...it's sad I know...but that's the reality of it....you need to prepare yourself for the worse case scenario...they will storm out the room and you will never speak again....this could very well happen...they may be very disgusted by this and decide that it's too much information and decide that they want nothing to do with you ever again...and honestly if this happens then you are better off without them...because if they can't 'handle' your feelings then they were never your 'person'....you will mourn the loss of that friendship but you will raise stronger and feel about your decision to tell them how you feel....oh there's one more outcome you should prepare for...and it's a good one!....you may pour your heart out to your BFF and they could very well tell you they feel the exact same way...they could tell you that they have had these feelings and have been struggling with tell you as well...which is great and wonderful for you both...but it brings us to the next section of this post....

Okay so it may turn out that both you and your best friend have feelings for each other...you're now struggling with what to do about these feelings...you are struggling because now that it's all out in the open you don't know what to do...do you act on these feelings or not?....let me tell you...once the cat is out of the bag there is no turning back...what I mean is once you tell each other how you feel there's no taking that back...from that moment the friendship has changed...the friendship you have an hour before you both spilled the beans is no longer the friendship you share....so the problem is not that crossing that line will change your friendship cuz that's already done...now the problem is what road will this friendship take...you are now at a cross road...to the left is the path where you try really, really hard to act like you didn't spill the beans and carry on a relationship that is non sexual or intimate....and pray that it's not awkward (good luck with that one) then to the right is the path where you jump into the pool holding hands and just pray you work great as a couple and don't end up breaking up and hating eachother (good luck with that one also)....so now you're left looking into each others eyes waiting for the other to make this tough decision....you need to know that either path you take will lead you to the same place...a new relationship...if you decide to go left your relationship will be one of awkwardness and one where you keep thinking 'what if' and you will be walking on egg shells and avoiding certain topics and situations....BUT...you will get over the awkwardness...the problem is that it'll take a while to get over it...and in the time it takes you could end up drifting apart unknowingly and one day wake up realizing the two of you haven't hung out for a month...you will still be friends but just no longer each others 'person'....but if you can stand the awkwardness and hang in there for it to pass then your friendship will take a new meaning and you will remain each others 'person' and be thankful you never crossed the line....if you take the path to the right you may have to deal with some awkwardness also...if you do end up crossing the line you may end up feeling extremely awkward and may find it's too much and too embarrassing which will result in the two of you drifting apart very quickly and the friendship ending very abruptly...which could be tragic....you could also find that yes it was awkward but beautiful at the same time...you may find that you two are closer because of crossing that line and you may be able to remain just friends after and just agree you shared something very special that you kept between the two of you....thirdly you may find that because you crossed the line you were able to see each other in a new light and realize that you are even more connected than you thought and may never go back to being just friends but go on to be something much deeper than either of you ever imagined...so whatever path you take it will change your relationship...but hopefully keep the 'friend'ship alive.

So whether you choose to tell your BFF how you feel or not it's a tough decision...if you are sitting there right now and the decision is overwhelming then talk to someone you trust...i know normally you'd go to your 'person' but try to think of someone who can be your temporary 'person'...because some times just talking about it aloud will help the decision seem clearer...good luck!