Man Up!

When your parents are no longer together it's hard to see the parent you're left with in pain...most times it's your mother...seeing your mother struggle to keep a happy face for you is hard...it's especially hard when you're at an age that completely understands what's going on because you are left feeling there has to be something you can do to take the pain away...I find that this is harder when you are a boy...you feel like you need to roll up your sleeves and 'man up'.

Feeling like you have to jump into the dad roll is something most boys do when they father has moved out of the house...they tend to feel that because they are now the only male left in the house it means they have to be the one to help take care of the family...which is a very nice idea, but not something they should do...fathers leave their family's for many different reasons...it's most likely due to problems between the two parents that could not be fixed...leaving the house is never an easy decision but it's one that has been discussed many times....when the father moves out he leaves knowing the mother has the ability to take care of the children he may be leaving behind...and there's a good chance that he will still be very much involved in raising those children...so there is no need for the son to feel he has to take over where the father left off.

When the father leaves unexpectedly due to death, jail or any other reason it's harder for the son to resist taking over...some mothers actually place pressure on their sons to take on more responsibilities because they are now the 'man of the house'...I personally feel this is not fair...I feel that no matter what the situation that the mother should not expect her son to take on the responsibilities of his absent father...it's one thing to have him pick up more chores...but to tell him he is the 'man of the house' now is only going to do harm to that child...he will be left worrying about adult things like putting food on the table, buying clothes or even paying bills...these pressures are not one that a young boy needs...he has enough going on with hormones, school and his social life....my advice if you are a young man who has had to take over where your father left off is to sit down and talk to your mother...let her know what this is doing to you and let her know how you feel about these added responsibilities...because

your mother may actually feel that you can handle it which I know makes it harder to talk to her...because you feel by letting her know that it's a bit too much for you makes you feel like you're letting her down right? well she won't see it that way at all...you are still her child and she will apologize and thank you for letting her know...because the last things she'd want is for you to go out and do whatever needs to be done for your family...your mother would rather work 10 jobs than have you out there doing things you shouldn't be doing to provide for the family....and believe me your mother may not look like it all the time, but she can handle anything that comes to her...she is a strong woman...so don't worry about adult things, be a kid and enjoy your life...you showing your mom that you're happy is the only thing she needs from you...there's no need to 'Man Up'.