I went to a workshop yesterday that was focused on bullying prevention...it was pretty interesting to hear some of the statistics...the one that really shocked me was that out of all the adults who knew there was bullying going on, only 4% of them stepped in to help...4%!...that is crazy!...I don't understand how if you know or see a child is being bullied, how you could just sit back and do nothing!...By doing nothing that adult is making the child who is being bullied feel they can't trust adults and making the child who is doing the bullying feel that what they're doing is okay...which in both of these cases is not true...children should feel they can go to an adult they trust and know that person will do whatever they can to keep them safe, and they also need to know that if they do something wrong there are consequences.
If you are being bullied at school you need to speak to someone you trust about it now...you have the right to feel safe at school and if someone is taking that safety away they need to be stopped...if you can't talk to your parents about it then you need to talk to teacher, guidance counsellor, principal, secretary, custodian anyone you feel safe talking to....because they are all there to help you....I know it's hard because you are probably being threatened by the person who is bullying you and you are afraid of what may happen if you 'tell' on them...it's not 'tattling, ratting or being a snitch' if it's something that is threatening your life or your safety...you need to tell someone...an adult can help you by first making you feel safe again...they will help you understand why this may be happening and they will help to make it stop for good...this adult will also help you find ways of making sure this doesn't happen again...so whenever you find the courage please tell an adult about what is going on so you no longer have to feel unsafe at school.
Cyber Bullying
Cyber bullying is becoming a major problem and it is spilling over in schools...students are not only bullying each other on MSN, Facebook, MySpace and all the other social networks, but now they are bringing whatever starts on the computer to school...cyber bullying is something that many parents don't even know exist...which is scary.
If you are being Cyber bullied you should not think it's no big deal because it is a big deal and it could very quickly turn into a HUGE deal...if someone is ruining your reputation over the net you need to tell someone...because it's the same thing as if they were doing this in person...they are still ruining your reputation which is not okay...if they are spreading things about you over the net that are inappropriate then you need to tell someone...if they are making it difficult for you to walk the halls at school because of the things they are typing about you over the net you NEED to tell someone...Cyber Bullying is just as serious as bullying in person...there is no difference...bullying is bullying and it's never okay!
IF you or someone you know is being bullied please feel free to contact me.
Pheona
Friday, September 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Man Up!
When your parents are no longer together it's hard to see the parent you're left with in pain...most times it's your mother...seeing your mother struggle to keep a happy face for you is hard...it's especially hard when you're at an age that completely understands what's going on because you are left feeling there has to be something you can do to take the pain away...I find that this is harder when you are a boy...you feel like you need to roll up your sleeves and 'man up'.
Feeling like you have to jump into the dad roll is something most boys do when they father has moved out of the house...they tend to feel that because they are now the only male left in the house it means they have to be the one to help take care of the family...which is a very nice idea, but not something they should do...fathers leave their family's for many different reasons...it's most likely due to problems between the two parents that could not be fixed...leaving the house is never an easy decision but it's one that has been discussed many times....when the father moves out he leaves knowing the mother has the ability to take care of the children he may be leaving behind...and there's a good chance that he will still be very much involved in raising those children...so there is no need for the son to feel he has to take over where the father left off.
When the father leaves unexpectedly due to death, jail or any other reason it's harder for the son to resist taking over...some mothers actually place pressure on their sons to take on more responsibilities because they are now the 'man of the house'...I personally feel this is not fair...I feel that no matter what the situation that the mother should not expect her son to take on the responsibilities of his absent father...it's one thing to have him pick up more chores...but to tell him he is the 'man of the house' now is only going to do harm to that child...he will be left worrying about adult things like putting food on the table, buying clothes or even paying bills...these pressures are not one that a young boy needs...he has enough going on with hormones, school and his social life....my advice if you are a young man who has had to take over where your father left off is to sit down and talk to your mother...let her know what this is doing to you and let her know how you feel about these added responsibilities...because
Feeling like you have to jump into the dad roll is something most boys do when they father has moved out of the house...they tend to feel that because they are now the only male left in the house it means they have to be the one to help take care of the family...which is a very nice idea, but not something they should do...fathers leave their family's for many different reasons...it's most likely due to problems between the two parents that could not be fixed...leaving the house is never an easy decision but it's one that has been discussed many times....when the father moves out he leaves knowing the mother has the ability to take care of the children he may be leaving behind...and there's a good chance that he will still be very much involved in raising those children...so there is no need for the son to feel he has to take over where the father left off.
When the father leaves unexpectedly due to death, jail or any other reason it's harder for the son to resist taking over...some mothers actually place pressure on their sons to take on more responsibilities because they are now the 'man of the house'...I personally feel this is not fair...I feel that no matter what the situation that the mother should not expect her son to take on the responsibilities of his absent father...it's one thing to have him pick up more chores...but to tell him he is the 'man of the house' now is only going to do harm to that child...he will be left worrying about adult things like putting food on the table, buying clothes or even paying bills...these pressures are not one that a young boy needs...he has enough going on with hormones, school and his social life....my advice if you are a young man who has had to take over where your father left off is to sit down and talk to your mother...let her know what this is doing to you and let her know how you feel about these added responsibilities...because
Condoms...Wear One!!
This is a touchy subject I know...but I feel it's one that you can never 'over-expose' to a young person.
Talking about safe sex is always something that makes all parties uncomfortable...even the person who does the same seminar over and over has one part of their speech where it is very uncomfortable, they just don't show it...I don't remember the details of what I was taught about condoms in school, but I do remember it was very brief and it went by very quickly!
I wanted to talk about this topic because I want all of you out there to know just how important it is to wear a condom if you do decide to have sex...if you feel that you are truly ready to start a sexual lifestyle then you need to know how to do it responsibly.
1) Are you really ready?
If you have to ask yourself this question then you are NOT ready...I can't type the ways you will know if you're ready for sex because only you can answer that question..you know yourself and you know what you can handle in terms of everything that comes with having sex..thinking or even knowing you're in love is not a reason to begin having sex, because you can love someone, but when the idea of having sex comes up you could find yourself getting nervous or even feeling sick...so again only you know yourself and if you truly have to question whether you're ready or not...you are NOT ready to be in a sexual relationship!
2) Health Risk
Before having sex you need to do your research and know the risk that COULD happen to you...like all the diseases, you need to pay special attention to the diseases that may not have symptoms...yes there are sexually transmitted diseases that will NOT have any symptoms...you could be walking around with a STD right now and not know it!...so my advice is if you are already having sex then you need to go see a doctor and let them know this and get regular check ups...oh and tell your partner to do the same!...if you go to the doctor and find out that you do have a STD then please take the measures your doctor tell you to and please tell your partner to get checked out as well so the disease does not spread to anyone else...even if you are in a committed relationship...I know this could be something embarrassing for both you and your partner but having sex is very important and a very big deal and is a very adult thing to do...so you need to act like adults and do what a responsible adult would do.
3) Getting Pregnant
Are you ready to raise a baby? if you're a woman, do you know for sure that the father of your child is going to be with you forever? and if not is he they type that will take care of his child no matter what happens between you and him? Do you have a job? or a good career? who will take care of the baby when you have to go back to that job? are you going to be able to graduate high school? and if not, will you be able to go back to school in the near future? who will watch the baby while you do that? Are you parents going to help out? is your partners parents willing to help? are they willing to take care of the baby if something happens to you or your partner? these are just a few of the questions you'll have to think about before having sex because getting pregnant COULD happen to you...if these questions scare you then you should NOT be having sex.
4) Your Parents Reaction
If you are having sex I guarantee you that they know...as much as you have been trying to hide it...they know...hiding that you're sexually active is not as easy as it seems...a lot about you changes once you start having sex...so my advice is to talk to your parents about it...if you can't talk to both of them, then talk to at least one of them...because they will be able to guide you through this...it's a tough thing and it's not something you should be only talking to your friends about...yes your parents will be in shock and will be very mad at first, but it's something that they can't have you take back...it's done and if you decide it's something you're not going to stop doing then they will see that they need to support your decision and help you do it as safe as possible....your parent is the one who will make you feel safe, they will help you make decisions you didn't think about like choosing the right birth control...they may have to tell you about a certain illness that is in your family that may prevent you from using certain birth controls...so if you do decide to have sex please please talk to at least one of your parents...it's hard to know your child is having sex because as a parent you will never feel they are ready...but if that child comes to you in a mature manner you will do what you have to make sure they are taking the proper precautions...because there is nothing worse than a parents guilt if something bad did happen to you as a result of having sex... if this is too scary to bare, then you are NOT ready to have sex.
It kills me how on TV people are having sex and making out with so many different people in the same day and the only risks that they discuss is the possibility of the woman getting pregnant! I mean REALLY??...no, no, no!!!...getting pregnant is not the worst thing that can happen when you have unprotected sex...dying is!...they hardly ever show someone on tv getting an STD it's always a pregnancy scare and never a STD scare...this is very scary to me because the media which is so influential today is not shedding light on STD's....If you have unprotected sex there is a good chance that you WILL get an STD...If you have unprotected sex with multiple people there is a good chance that you WILL get HIV or AIDS or any of the other deadly STD's....and if you do get pregnant that doesn't mean that you don't have an STD...you could have an STD while you're pregnant.
If you don't know how to put on a condom don't use that as an excuse not to wear one...if you don't know how to put one on then you should NOT be having sex...and this goes for both males and females...you should all know how to put on a condom.
One more thing if you are embarrassed to walk into a store to buy condoms, you are NOT ready to have sex...there should be nothing embarrassing about having sex, if there is then you are NOT ready...believe me sex will always be there...listen to that inner voice...if something in you is saying you don't want to then listen to it...no matter when that voice comes to you...it's never too late to say no!
Talking about safe sex is always something that makes all parties uncomfortable...even the person who does the same seminar over and over has one part of their speech where it is very uncomfortable, they just don't show it...I don't remember the details of what I was taught about condoms in school, but I do remember it was very brief and it went by very quickly!
I wanted to talk about this topic because I want all of you out there to know just how important it is to wear a condom if you do decide to have sex...if you feel that you are truly ready to start a sexual lifestyle then you need to know how to do it responsibly.
1) Are you really ready?
If you have to ask yourself this question then you are NOT ready...I can't type the ways you will know if you're ready for sex because only you can answer that question..you know yourself and you know what you can handle in terms of everything that comes with having sex..thinking or even knowing you're in love is not a reason to begin having sex, because you can love someone, but when the idea of having sex comes up you could find yourself getting nervous or even feeling sick...so again only you know yourself and if you truly have to question whether you're ready or not...you are NOT ready to be in a sexual relationship!
2) Health Risk
Before having sex you need to do your research and know the risk that COULD happen to you...like all the diseases, you need to pay special attention to the diseases that may not have symptoms...yes there are sexually transmitted diseases that will NOT have any symptoms...you could be walking around with a STD right now and not know it!...so my advice is if you are already having sex then you need to go see a doctor and let them know this and get regular check ups...oh and tell your partner to do the same!...if you go to the doctor and find out that you do have a STD then please take the measures your doctor tell you to and please tell your partner to get checked out as well so the disease does not spread to anyone else...even if you are in a committed relationship...I know this could be something embarrassing for both you and your partner but having sex is very important and a very big deal and is a very adult thing to do...so you need to act like adults and do what a responsible adult would do.
3) Getting Pregnant
Are you ready to raise a baby? if you're a woman, do you know for sure that the father of your child is going to be with you forever? and if not is he they type that will take care of his child no matter what happens between you and him? Do you have a job? or a good career? who will take care of the baby when you have to go back to that job? are you going to be able to graduate high school? and if not, will you be able to go back to school in the near future? who will watch the baby while you do that? Are you parents going to help out? is your partners parents willing to help? are they willing to take care of the baby if something happens to you or your partner? these are just a few of the questions you'll have to think about before having sex because getting pregnant COULD happen to you...if these questions scare you then you should NOT be having sex.
4) Your Parents Reaction
If you are having sex I guarantee you that they know...as much as you have been trying to hide it...they know...hiding that you're sexually active is not as easy as it seems...a lot about you changes once you start having sex...so my advice is to talk to your parents about it...if you can't talk to both of them, then talk to at least one of them...because they will be able to guide you through this...it's a tough thing and it's not something you should be only talking to your friends about...yes your parents will be in shock and will be very mad at first, but it's something that they can't have you take back...it's done and if you decide it's something you're not going to stop doing then they will see that they need to support your decision and help you do it as safe as possible....your parent is the one who will make you feel safe, they will help you make decisions you didn't think about like choosing the right birth control...they may have to tell you about a certain illness that is in your family that may prevent you from using certain birth controls...so if you do decide to have sex please please talk to at least one of your parents...it's hard to know your child is having sex because as a parent you will never feel they are ready...but if that child comes to you in a mature manner you will do what you have to make sure they are taking the proper precautions...because there is nothing worse than a parents guilt if something bad did happen to you as a result of having sex... if this is too scary to bare, then you are NOT ready to have sex.
It kills me how on TV people are having sex and making out with so many different people in the same day and the only risks that they discuss is the possibility of the woman getting pregnant! I mean REALLY??...no, no, no!!!...getting pregnant is not the worst thing that can happen when you have unprotected sex...dying is!...they hardly ever show someone on tv getting an STD it's always a pregnancy scare and never a STD scare...this is very scary to me because the media which is so influential today is not shedding light on STD's....If you have unprotected sex there is a good chance that you WILL get an STD...If you have unprotected sex with multiple people there is a good chance that you WILL get HIV or AIDS or any of the other deadly STD's....and if you do get pregnant that doesn't mean that you don't have an STD...you could have an STD while you're pregnant.
If you don't know how to put on a condom don't use that as an excuse not to wear one...if you don't know how to put one on then you should NOT be having sex...and this goes for both males and females...you should all know how to put on a condom.
One more thing if you are embarrassed to walk into a store to buy condoms, you are NOT ready to have sex...there should be nothing embarrassing about having sex, if there is then you are NOT ready...believe me sex will always be there...listen to that inner voice...if something in you is saying you don't want to then listen to it...no matter when that voice comes to you...it's never too late to say no!
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